Future

I'm going to take a break from the past and look towards the future.

When I was a child, I used to think that I would be married by the time I was 23. Well, unless someone wants to marry me this Saturday, that is impossible. I'm about to turn 24, and even with a quick courtship and even shorter engagement, it doesn't look like I'm going to get hitched until I'm 25. I never envisioned it this way. Then again, I never envisioned being in college for five and a half years either. Seems like someone else has taken charge of my agenda.

Now this isn't a sob story, it's just that lately, and by lately I mean the past 4 years, everything points to marriage. I guess you could say it started when I got "Stoned", John Stoned at my first fall conference. Marriage, sex, and dating. Ask anyone that was there, that stuff screwed us up!! In a good way of course. From then on I have had marriage and dating on the brain. Just refer to last December and April's posts.

Recently I have been to a wedding, got a wedding announcement, went to a wedding shower, another wedding reception, and one of my roommates got engaged. Now, I'm asking you, "How am I supposed to not think about getting married all the time?" You have to admit, I have a large challenge in front of me. So these are my thoughts about marriage. . .at this point.

Yes, I can't wait to get married. It probably is the thing I am most looking forward to in life. Getting married and having lots of children, starting a family, the whole thing makes my heart race. No, better yet it makes my heart ache I want it so badly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't look at my friends and think, "jeeze i want that!" Even today, I saw a cute high school couple tickling each other and just goofing off, and I got a huge smile on my face. Why is that? What is it about that that is so appealing?

Well, could it be that this significant relationship is a reflection, just a glimmer, of something bigger and better then we have been created for? Or better yet, just a taste of a much bigger more divine union? Why do we desire relationships period? Could it be that we were made for companionship? That this is a small illustration of a bigger desire? I would have to say yes, yes, yes, and yes. There is no mistaking our need for community, relationships, connection, contact, exceptance, security, love. It's what makes us tick, what make me tick for sure.

So while I dream about this movie like romance day in and day out, it really is a natural manifistation of a deep desire for a deeper union, that was created in me for purpose and meaning. One that reminds me everyday to be seeking communion with my Maker. Until I realize that, no earthly fling will ever satisfy me.

That being said, will I ever get married? Yes. At least I pray that I will. Soon too, if it be so. But only when it's right, and when it's with the right person. No pressure huh?