Well, this sucks.

It's only the most beautiful day of the year today. I think in the 80's, holy crap is it June? So where am I? Playing outside you ask? Riding one of my many bikes? Running? Playing Frisbee? Taking a walk, washing the car, riding my bike, driving with the windows down crankin' some Counting Crows, riding my bike? NOPE. I'm inside, on the couch, being sick.

I woke up this morning, with one eye swollen shut and filled with goop. As was my nose, and my throat. I called in sick, everywhere. I'm so bummed. I can't remember the last time I spent all day on the couch. I can remember that I used to do it all the time when I was a freshman or sophomore in college. If you didn't know where I was, you just needed to check the couch. But for the past few years, I've been going going going all day long. For the past few months I've even started my day at 5:30 and gone non-stop until 11. The couch is not as appealing as it once was. At least not during the week. Saturday morning is fine. But not all day everyday. Quick question, are the Unsolved Mysteries that are on TV now reruns? They look like the were all filmed in the eighties. Surely I'm not supposed to looking out for these missing people am I?

So what's going on with me?


Lot's of stuff. I left the state last weekend, which doesn't happen very often. I went to Dallas, got Kim and then we drove to Houston and got to hang out with Squeak and Megan, oh and Princy. Sunday we went to my brother's church in Katy and had lunch with my family. What a great time. I love the chance to be with old friends. We got to laugh and relax, really enjoy each other. I wish I could visit more of our young married friends.

Later, Kim and I went back to Dallas. Monday I had an interview with RUF to be an intern next fall. Everything went great, they voted and gave me the thumbs up. So, there you have it. In mid-April they will tell me where I am moving and in June I go on staff. Crazy huh? Well I'm very excited. I covet your prayers, for the next few weeks and months. Pray for peace and wisdom. Pray for continued growth. Pray for support from friends and family.

There is plenty more to post, and I have plenty of time today, maybe there will be more later.

Typical Wilcox

It's the choice of a lifetime & I'm almost sure
I will not live my life in between anymore
If I can't be certain of all that's in store
This far it feels so right
I will hold it up & hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

The search for my future has brought me here
This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
That the choice I was made for will someday appear
And I'll be too late for that flight
So hold it up & hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

I said God, will you bless this decision?
I'm scared. Is my life at stake?
But I know if you gave me a vision
Would I never have reason to use my faith?

Now as soon as I'm moving & my choice is good
This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
Somehow all of the signs are in sight
If I hold up the light

It's too late & to be stopped at the crossroads
Each life here & each a possible way
But wait & and they all will be lost roads
Each path's growing shorter the longer I stay

I was dead with deciding & afraid to choose
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
And trust that the timing is right
I will hold it up hold it up to the light
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light.

put YOUR lance face on.

D La,

I was very glad to hear the news. Yes. Very glad. keep a brotha posted.

On a different note, I was combing through some old emails and came across one from you a while ago. I thought you might like to read it. I hope you will be encouraged. It is always a good think to look back on the landscape of your life and see with better clarity the work God has done in it. Be encouraged.

I miss you. I can't wait to see you in April.
Matt


Hey guys its Della.
Im heading to Paris in a bit but i wanted to drop a line before i headed out.

I was instructed by a friend, you know who you are, to keep track of how many times i cry on this trip. Im up to three.
well two, it depends if you count the airport before i left.

the third was yesterday. kim and i were taking a train from geneva switzerland to clermont- ferrand( norman's sister
city) when the batteries on my walkman went out. i was so sad that i cried...........................................................

no, i'm just kidding. thqt isnt what made me cry. i have been reading an interesting book by this lady, ester lightcap meek,
you either know her or you have heard of her. anyway, ive been trying to get through this book for a while, sorry julie, sorry matt; but on these trains you have a lot of time to think and process so i have really been doing a lot of both. she talks some about things such as christianity making sense with our experience and a lot about knowing ( I mean A LOT about knowing), so,e of it is way over my head, but like i said i have a lot of time to think about it.

As most of you know i have been struggling with a lot of things in this brain of mine, blame it on what you will, or think of it as a blessing, i have gone through and learned a lot. I have struggled with putting the pieces of christianty back together, and at times even the idea of God. during this process you all have been very helpful and caring and loving and patient and everything i could have ever wanted.

these past few weeks in europe, i have seen these pieces get closer and closer together, this was happening even before i left. i had excepted an all powerful God, i had excepted that i was a sinner (although I didn't know what to call it outside of christianty), and most importantly for me understanding that this powerful God must have put this desire for relationships with other people in me so why wouldnt a personal relationship something that he desired as well. So i was stuck with the idea of Christ. This story seemed so fqr outside my grasp, I even compared it to the story of lord of the rings, i felt it was
that away from reality. I needed something to make it real in my mind historically. Then we made it to Rome. Something tangible. Buildings still standing from empires so long ago. Another piece fit for me.

So slowly i kept thinking and rethinking. Images of all of you and conversations we have had kept popping into my brain, hours spent reading russ's emails, studying with julie, compassionate questions from jessica, crying with matt, loving testamonies from amy, support from mom and dad, and the ever hard and completely informative conversations with
carter. you have all been with me on this journey.

Well the final question i have been working on is "how can i be in love with christ again?" i have pulled theses issues apart for over a year now and i have lost the desire to love and trust in this being. can i ever be a humble servant and proclaim this as mine again. thats where the batteries come into perfect play. i had been staring blankly out the window for a while when kim offered her mp3 player to me. I was really excited. First I listened to jason mraz and realized how much i love music. then i skipped around and stupid derek webb (he is anything but stupid)had to go and sing "beloved" in my ear. now i know it wasnt because i was tired or hungry, kim will attest to that, but the words of this song had an overwhelming power of me. I was completely moved to tears and felt myself fall in love with christ again. (this is where some women i know will be crying with me) that is a simplified statement of the overwhelming fellings of hope and release i am experiencing. i now have something to trust in for my future. someone to love and guide me and bring me home safe.

I still have along way to go. but i have a large smile of excitement on my face.

anyway, i want to talk to all of you.


grace, in the best sense of the word
della

Tall Tails

I'm hanging out with my friends Brian and Sam Mitchell this afternoon. We just got done reading some tall tails about Davy Crockett. Davy has the tendency to boast and brag that he can do things that he doesn't really know that he can do, but in the end he believes in himself so much that he actually pulls it off. Or he seems to have pulled it off. Pretty funny character.

I myself have been feeling lately the other way. Actually for the past month and a half. Not too confident. Talking bad about myself. Feeling bad about myself. Feeling old. Feeling not smart. Feeling fat. Feeling lonely. Feeling scared. The list goes on and on. This doesn't happen all that often, but I definately have seasons where I feel like I'm worthless.

Why is this?

Do I have false expectations of myself and of others, and when they aren't met, over and over, I have no other choice then to be hurled into the pit of dispair? That might have something to do with it.

Doug introduced me to a new song on the Indelible Grace album that we have been singing at RUF lately. It's called "I asked the Lord". The first time I heard it was on the way back from Colorado, when I was feeling really down. I of course cried. (I cried several times that trip. I have actually cried more in the past couple weeks than my whole teenage years combined.) I can't remember the exact wording, not even close in fact, but it is about praying to the Lord for something, peace, contentment, love, faith, I'm not sure, and God instead answering with the revealing of sin and the truth about our heart. That's what is going on with me right now. I have been praying and meditating on what I want and think that I need so much.....that I haven't even considered what process Christ must take with me first to appreciate the gifts He indeed has for me. The things that I want aren't bad things. They are actually pretty good and Holy. But my obsessive attitude, or the way I have made them into idols is disgraceful.

I am being broken more and more each day.Sanctification.......................crap. I now pray that in my brokenness, God will put me back together stronger and more faithful than ever before.

More on this later.