Years of practice.

To answer the questions having to do with the previous blog, I have had years of experience perfecting the craft that is keeping others at bay. I would even include several years of being a pathological liar as the worst extent of the problem.

But more recently the problem stems from pride. In certain situations, I feel like I am a good listener, asking questions that seem appropriate. But, when conversations then turn back to me, I often give surface level answers that don't expose any yucky characteristics that I am trying to hide from the outside world. I either A) make answers seem as upbeat as possible, B) muddle my answers with useless qualifications, so that you can't possible interpret what the hell I'm really trying to say, or C) I respond with one-word answers such as "fine" or "good".

I have another entertaining habit of getting real deep real quick with someone I barely know, then because we have had such a "genuine bonding experience", I either never talk to them again or avoid them at all cost for several months. They, of course, know to much. Real healthy Della.

So you see, I have mastered the "guard". Well, I say it's time for the guard to come down, (when it's appropriate, of course). Time to make intentional commitments to relationships, and pull my head out of my ass. (to my brother and sister I apologize for the profanity, I know you think I am an angel, well the guard is coming down for you too.)

And as for the blog written by my good friend Brent Corbin, I to will stand-up and admit that I am obsessed with the idea of getting married. So much so that it hinders my view of the opposite sex and my relationships with them. You can almost guarantee that if you are male, I have already summed you up in my mind and have either put you in the "I-would-never-date-you" or the "when-are-you-going-to-ask-me-out-so-i-can-start-planning-our-wedding" category. I realize this might be a natural 20-something single girl thing to do, but it is SICK!! I know every last one of my girlfriends, (besides Kim) are either married or getting married. (officially or unofficially.) Doesn't mean I need to freak out. We single females, and males for that matter, (J-Do, Corbs, Hewey) need to R-E-L-A-X!!! Don't try to push to hard. We shouldn't settle for something that isn't right, for whatever reason.

This is my vow. I promise to chill out. To not read into potential relationships as if my life depended on it. To not compromise on major issues, now appropriately deemed "deal breakers". To love my male friends for whom they are, FRIENDS! To enjoy my singleness. To read and study scripture so that I can better understand God and myself, and his plan for me. To take advantage of time with my married friends while they are still here, and while they still have time to hang out with me. To learn from them, so that when I am married I will be somewhat prepared.

Please keep me accountable to this vow. I am looking to you for support and counsel.

Signing out for now.

Hi my name is Della, and I would like to remain anonymous

Please don't stand to close to me. I don't like people to get to close.

A couple of years ago I was told that getting to know me was like pulling teeth. At the time I was very hurt that someone would say that about me. I felt like I was very open. An "open book" to be exact. I remember saying, "what do you want me to do, spill my guts to you, cry my eyes out, because that is what would happen, it wouldn't be pretty, is that what you want?" I really didn't understand what letting someone be close to me meant. I thought what I was doing was fine.

Well after a while, I started to realize that this person was/these people were right. I had never really been close to anyone. I hung out with the same people a lot and considered them to be my closest friends, but I really don't know why we were "close". Since then I have thanked this person/those persons. At least I think I have. If I haven't, you know who you are and I thank you.

But recently, very recently I was accused of the same thing. And it hurt just as bad. Because it is true again. I don't think I really learned the first time. I still don't understand what it means to let people in. What am I supposed to do? Are there people out there that have the answers to this mystery? Do you have insight into my problem, do you struggle with it too? Feel free to get back with me in person or by email. I just really don't understand. I have been feeling quite lonely lately, I blame it on school and work. But I'm around people all the time. I don't know.

Please send your thoughts, and by all means your prayers. And don't hold back, this is going to hurt but it will be good for me.

Diet

I know this topic is much discussed, but it's been on my mind lately, and I have found some interesting information.

Some of you know that recently I tried eating like a vegan. Well, it only lasted 4 whole days. The faux chicken was a little much. But during this process I have realized more and more that I have a very unhealthy perception of food. For instance, with the vegan diet, I thought because I was giving up something, that meant I could eat as much as I wanted out of all the other stuff.

I think part of my problem began when I left my parents house to go to college, or maybe even in middle school when I was given the opportunity to pick out my own lunch. (Fast food baby!!!!) Living with my parents, I had little or no control of what I was eating, and the minute I left it was like I just went crazy. You would have thought I had never eaten before. Anything and everything, and at any time of day or night. "FiveStar run for chicken nuggets anyone?" Yes, this is a gas station in Kentucky, with some of the greasiest chicken nuggets in the country.

This problem was partially corrected when moved back to Norman and I started attending Weight Watchers meetings a couple years ago. My first step was realizing that I had an enormous portion control problem, as do most American's. So I realized it, changed it, and now I'm back to a clear medium to large portion problem again. Very rarely do I eat until I'm sick, like I used to, but I still eat until I'm satisfied. Which is a false satisfaction. If I would eat slower, (it's not a freakin race Della), or even if I ate with people more often, the food intake wouldn't be quite a goal as it is now. Honestly, I might eat with another human being three times during the entire week. That is really sad. Uh......... I'm depressed just thinking about it.

Well, anyway. I'm just still stuck in that mindset, where food doesn't represent it's natural function in my life. And it doesn't serve as social function, which might be a little better, although still not entirely healthy. It serves as an obsession, something I can, or can't, control. Man, this is definitely not how I intended this blog to end. I really just wanted to post some handy web-sites on nutrition. Now I'm crying and feeling bad about myself. No I'm not. Just regretting this blog.

So here is what I found:

http://www.bobsgoodstufflists.net/Diabetes/Food/Restaurants/

http://www.yum.com/nutrition/menu.asp?brandID_Abbr=4_AW

http://www.bk.com/Food/Nutrition/NutritionWizard/index.aspx

http://www.kenkuhl.com/fastfood/

Congratulations to the happy couple!!! 

Take that! and that! and that!

I have had a series of interesting events the past two weeks. My life has been flipped upside down, then right side up, then around and around, and now I am standing on the ground again, but I feel a little light headed, like I could fall down at any moment.

Two Wednesdays ago I went in for my general HR advisement, with the sweet Dr. Katie. After fifteen minutes I left her office sobbing, trying to deal with the news that I would not be graduating in December as I had planned, but in May, making my college career a full 6 years. (undergraduate, mind you.)It was aweful and I was mostly in shock. I really didn't see this coming. So I spent the rest of the week trying to plan what classes I would spend my surprise 30 odd hours studying. OH! And how the heck I was going to pay for it. I tossed around the idea of getting a loan and picking up a minor in Religious Studies, but I just really wasn't sure. The possibilty of extra time in school also made me rethink my current career prosutes with the Oklahoma Film and Music Commission. Which that doubt was only encouraged further when a professor, after watching what turned out to be a fabulous power point presentation by me, heavily encouraged me to get my teaching certificate. (REMINDER: I was an education major at one point but decided to change to HR thinking I would graduate faster, HA! Yeah right) I mean seriously, WHERE WAS THIS GUY THREE YEARS AGO!!!!!!

Anyway, moving on...... After really rethinking this major change, I decide that I will just be content with the idea of being in school another semester, this will give me a chance to study things that really interest me, maybe even take a dance class. I toss around thoughts about where I am going to live, should I continue my internship with the Film Office, should I get my teaching certificate, I mean if I am going to borrow money anyway, I may as well go all out. Then I wake up from the nightmare, and have a real degree check at the College of Arts and Science. In 10 minutes, my life that had been turn upside down was quickly turned right side up with the news that I only had 21 more hours, meaning with a little intersession and a full load, I was going to graduate in December as planned. What was Dr. Katie talking about? This guy said that my records were pretty straight forward and that he had no idea how we had come to that conclusion. I was to say the least, relieved. (and I am sure my parents are too)

But the craziness doesn't stop there. Aside from some relationship mumbo-jumbo, which I am still confused about, I have relized my life is still in full swing, as it should be, and quite frankly turning out pretty swell. Wednesday night I met a fantastic young lady who will be transfering to OU in the fall, and after meeting with her and her mother on Thursday, she has decided to join us here at the Bird's Nest, despite all the nasty roomers.... uh I mean rumors. This is only 24 hours after our good friend Colleen decided to move in as well. Praise the Lord!!!

And to kick it all off, I saved the best for last. I recieved a phone call Friday night from a girl named Jenny offering me a job. Not just any job!! A dream job to this little pop-culture-princess. I will be working for the every so popular and all too morally corrupt MTV as a casting assistant for the next season of The Real World!!!! Yeah thats right! TAKE THAT!!!!

Funny how things work out. One minute you think your life might be taking a U-turn, but the next minute your right back where you started, pushing the gas faster and harder this time. Huh, is God soveriegn? I think so. Heaven knows I didn't plan this.

Blog cheating.

I realize this doesn't actually count as me blogging, but I would like to direct everyone to my dear friend Keely's Blog. http://keelysteger.blogspot.com/

It is hilarious. Well more than anything it is interesting and illustrates God's sovereignty in her life. I love it!!! And a little proud to be apart of it. Check it out.

And once again I realize this doesn't count as an actual Blog.