Saturday, January 28, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Eye goes down, Filter goes up.
No I'm not in Mexico. I'm chillin' in Norman, trying to beat the ultimate depression of boredom. So far it has been successful.
I met some girls at Winan's for coffee this morning, just to chat. We were all feeling the Holiday-Break-Cabin-Fever-Bug. It was good to visit about life, love and growth. They are both married, so they had plenty to offer about the heart and head connection. What an interesting match these two difficult parts of the human body are to understand. Men are challenging to figure out, but I am here to let you in on a secret, WOMEN ARE DAMNED MESSES.
The most notable topic discussed over toffee bark today was "the wink". You know what I'm talking about. You do it, you see it. What is it all about?
Now granted, there are a few different versions of the wink and we (most specifically women) are called to interpret them.
1) "The shoot and wink."- Casual, friendly, playful exchange of acknowledgement.
2) "The across the room wink." - More romantic in nature, a tid bit of flirt in a crowded room. Makes the heart flutter.
3) "The inside joke wink" - Don't tell the other person, but I'm just kidding, and I'm letting you in on it.
4) "The encouragement wink" - Someone is nervous, and you want to give them a boost of confidence.
The possibilities are endless people, but these are the most common.
Our consensus, within the coffee shop crew, is that you really have to be secure in your friendship or relationship, to use the #2 wink. We think this wink is reserved for couples only, otherwise it's sleezy and should be ignored by all women. #1 wink is fun and should be used in all levels of friendship, but don't over do it because it looses it's comedic value. #3 wink, I personally enjoy, especially when children are involved. #4 wink doesn't happen as often, but can be very useful when necessary.
Why the beef with the wink? Just like any other form of flirting, girls are constantly trying to read into signals from the opposite sex. We know the men are doing it too. Body language is fascinating and frustrating. Going all the way back to elementary school playgrounds. If a girl is chasing a boy, or visa versa, she is definitely sending a signal. As we get older they are not quite as obvious but readable non-the-less. The touching of the arm in conversation, grooming (pulling hairs of shirts), brushing up against, crossing legs towards, twirling hair, whispering close to, yada yada yada. You know what I'm talking about. This is the art of a historically long, beautiful, miserably awkward dance. I want you to know I like you but I don't want to tell you, I just want you to see me wink. AHHHHH. Great feeling, but it will drive you to drink, it really will.
So my advice men, and you ladies too, avoid the wink. Or if you are going to wink you better try to quickly follow it up with either a DTR (define the relationship) or a date invitation. And for the love of Pete, don't wink at another girl if you want the girl you like to get jealous. Please............Save me hours of heart-breaking conversations with helpless co-eds. For me, seriously.
I met some girls at Winan's for coffee this morning, just to chat. We were all feeling the Holiday-Break-Cabin-Fever-Bug. It was good to visit about life, love and growth. They are both married, so they had plenty to offer about the heart and head connection. What an interesting match these two difficult parts of the human body are to understand. Men are challenging to figure out, but I am here to let you in on a secret, WOMEN ARE DAMNED MESSES.
The most notable topic discussed over toffee bark today was "the wink". You know what I'm talking about. You do it, you see it. What is it all about?
Now granted, there are a few different versions of the wink and we (most specifically women) are called to interpret them.
1) "The shoot and wink."- Casual, friendly, playful exchange of acknowledgement.
2) "The across the room wink." - More romantic in nature, a tid bit of flirt in a crowded room. Makes the heart flutter.
3) "The inside joke wink" - Don't tell the other person, but I'm just kidding, and I'm letting you in on it.
4) "The encouragement wink" - Someone is nervous, and you want to give them a boost of confidence.
The possibilities are endless people, but these are the most common.
Our consensus, within the coffee shop crew, is that you really have to be secure in your friendship or relationship, to use the #2 wink. We think this wink is reserved for couples only, otherwise it's sleezy and should be ignored by all women. #1 wink is fun and should be used in all levels of friendship, but don't over do it because it looses it's comedic value. #3 wink, I personally enjoy, especially when children are involved. #4 wink doesn't happen as often, but can be very useful when necessary.
Why the beef with the wink? Just like any other form of flirting, girls are constantly trying to read into signals from the opposite sex. We know the men are doing it too. Body language is fascinating and frustrating. Going all the way back to elementary school playgrounds. If a girl is chasing a boy, or visa versa, she is definitely sending a signal. As we get older they are not quite as obvious but readable non-the-less. The touching of the arm in conversation, grooming (pulling hairs of shirts), brushing up against, crossing legs towards, twirling hair, whispering close to, yada yada yada. You know what I'm talking about. This is the art of a historically long, beautiful, miserably awkward dance. I want you to know I like you but I don't want to tell you, I just want you to see me wink. AHHHHH. Great feeling, but it will drive you to drink, it really will.
So my advice men, and you ladies too, avoid the wink. Or if you are going to wink you better try to quickly follow it up with either a DTR (define the relationship) or a date invitation. And for the love of Pete, don't wink at another girl if you want the girl you like to get jealous. Please............Save me hours of heart-breaking conversations with helpless co-eds. For me, seriously.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
So you want to know me?
How long does it take to get to know someone? I mean really know them.
I was recently talking to one of my girlfriends about how much you can learn about someone in just an hours worth of conversation. You can potentially learn a lot if you are really "connecting". On the other hand you could also find out just as much by handing each other your resumes or reading each others blogs. How long does it take to really get to know a person? And how does it happen?
Being in college, you get to "know" lots of different people. People like you, people not like you, people you want to be like, people you don't want to like. These people may be in class with you, or the same club. You might work with them, or you might even live with them. Is it safe to assume that college is place where you will "know" the most people you will ever "know" in your life? By this definition of "know", I mean knowing people on a first name basis, being able to recall at least three facts about them (major, hometown, girlfriend/boyfriend status), and maybe having them as your Facebook friend. I would say you could potentially "know" hundreds of people, if that is what knowing is. I would argue that this really isn't knowing someone, perhaps it is just meeting someone.
All that aside, let's think about what really knowing someone is like. Think about those people you really are close to, and who are close to you. Who knows you best? What makes them different then other acquaintances?
Most likely they could describe you with factoids that you didn't have to tell them about but that they experienced first hand, such as: you always meticulously fold your napkin while you eat, you eat chocolate kisses very delicately, you stand up when you get nervous in card games, your skin is really stretchy, you wear Christian t-shirts six days a week, you sleep in wrist guards, you put "k" sounds at the end of all your "-ing" words, or you are addicted to 24. They can probably remember the last time that you cried or the name of your last crush. (You tell about dates to anyone, but you save crushes for special friends.) They have probably talked you out of doing something that you would regret, or encouraged you to be brave. They probably call you more than they check your blog, to see what's going on with you. They would most likely rush to your side if your family was in trouble. They hopefully remember your birthday before they see it on Facebook. You think about them when you hear a certain song or see a certain commercial. Possibly more important than any of those things, you are aware of their sin and they are aware of yours.
These are things to be valued. Being known is one of the best things that can happen to a person. Knowing people is a bonus. Like many good things, knowing someone comes with time, and in some cases work. Husbands and wives need to put a lot of time into really knowing each other, best friends split by hours of highway have hours of phone calls to be had, and new friends have hundreds of hands of Gin to play. Knowing someone comes with time, experience and most of all vulnerability.
Expose yourself in time. It is soooooo worth it.
I was recently talking to one of my girlfriends about how much you can learn about someone in just an hours worth of conversation. You can potentially learn a lot if you are really "connecting". On the other hand you could also find out just as much by handing each other your resumes or reading each others blogs. How long does it take to really get to know a person? And how does it happen?
Being in college, you get to "know" lots of different people. People like you, people not like you, people you want to be like, people you don't want to like. These people may be in class with you, or the same club. You might work with them, or you might even live with them. Is it safe to assume that college is place where you will "know" the most people you will ever "know" in your life? By this definition of "know", I mean knowing people on a first name basis, being able to recall at least three facts about them (major, hometown, girlfriend/boyfriend status), and maybe having them as your Facebook friend. I would say you could potentially "know" hundreds of people, if that is what knowing is. I would argue that this really isn't knowing someone, perhaps it is just meeting someone.
All that aside, let's think about what really knowing someone is like. Think about those people you really are close to, and who are close to you. Who knows you best? What makes them different then other acquaintances?
Most likely they could describe you with factoids that you didn't have to tell them about but that they experienced first hand, such as: you always meticulously fold your napkin while you eat, you eat chocolate kisses very delicately, you stand up when you get nervous in card games, your skin is really stretchy, you wear Christian t-shirts six days a week, you sleep in wrist guards, you put "k" sounds at the end of all your "-ing" words, or you are addicted to 24. They can probably remember the last time that you cried or the name of your last crush. (You tell about dates to anyone, but you save crushes for special friends.) They have probably talked you out of doing something that you would regret, or encouraged you to be brave. They probably call you more than they check your blog, to see what's going on with you. They would most likely rush to your side if your family was in trouble. They hopefully remember your birthday before they see it on Facebook. You think about them when you hear a certain song or see a certain commercial. Possibly more important than any of those things, you are aware of their sin and they are aware of yours.
These are things to be valued. Being known is one of the best things that can happen to a person. Knowing people is a bonus. Like many good things, knowing someone comes with time, and in some cases work. Husbands and wives need to put a lot of time into really knowing each other, best friends split by hours of highway have hours of phone calls to be had, and new friends have hundreds of hands of Gin to play. Knowing someone comes with time, experience and most of all vulnerability.
Expose yourself in time. It is soooooo worth it.
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