Hi my name is Della, and I would like to remain anonymous

Please don't stand to close to me. I don't like people to get to close.

A couple of years ago I was told that getting to know me was like pulling teeth. At the time I was very hurt that someone would say that about me. I felt like I was very open. An "open book" to be exact. I remember saying, "what do you want me to do, spill my guts to you, cry my eyes out, because that is what would happen, it wouldn't be pretty, is that what you want?" I really didn't understand what letting someone be close to me meant. I thought what I was doing was fine.

Well after a while, I started to realize that this person was/these people were right. I had never really been close to anyone. I hung out with the same people a lot and considered them to be my closest friends, but I really don't know why we were "close". Since then I have thanked this person/those persons. At least I think I have. If I haven't, you know who you are and I thank you.

But recently, very recently I was accused of the same thing. And it hurt just as bad. Because it is true again. I don't think I really learned the first time. I still don't understand what it means to let people in. What am I supposed to do? Are there people out there that have the answers to this mystery? Do you have insight into my problem, do you struggle with it too? Feel free to get back with me in person or by email. I just really don't understand. I have been feeling quite lonely lately, I blame it on school and work. But I'm around people all the time. I don't know.

Please send your thoughts, and by all means your prayers. And don't hold back, this is going to hurt but it will be good for me.