put YOUR lance face on.

D La,

I was very glad to hear the news. Yes. Very glad. keep a brotha posted.

On a different note, I was combing through some old emails and came across one from you a while ago. I thought you might like to read it. I hope you will be encouraged. It is always a good think to look back on the landscape of your life and see with better clarity the work God has done in it. Be encouraged.

I miss you. I can't wait to see you in April.
Matt


Hey guys its Della.
Im heading to Paris in a bit but i wanted to drop a line before i headed out.

I was instructed by a friend, you know who you are, to keep track of how many times i cry on this trip. Im up to three.
well two, it depends if you count the airport before i left.

the third was yesterday. kim and i were taking a train from geneva switzerland to clermont- ferrand( norman's sister
city) when the batteries on my walkman went out. i was so sad that i cried...........................................................

no, i'm just kidding. thqt isnt what made me cry. i have been reading an interesting book by this lady, ester lightcap meek,
you either know her or you have heard of her. anyway, ive been trying to get through this book for a while, sorry julie, sorry matt; but on these trains you have a lot of time to think and process so i have really been doing a lot of both. she talks some about things such as christianity making sense with our experience and a lot about knowing ( I mean A LOT about knowing), so,e of it is way over my head, but like i said i have a lot of time to think about it.

As most of you know i have been struggling with a lot of things in this brain of mine, blame it on what you will, or think of it as a blessing, i have gone through and learned a lot. I have struggled with putting the pieces of christianty back together, and at times even the idea of God. during this process you all have been very helpful and caring and loving and patient and everything i could have ever wanted.

these past few weeks in europe, i have seen these pieces get closer and closer together, this was happening even before i left. i had excepted an all powerful God, i had excepted that i was a sinner (although I didn't know what to call it outside of christianty), and most importantly for me understanding that this powerful God must have put this desire for relationships with other people in me so why wouldnt a personal relationship something that he desired as well. So i was stuck with the idea of Christ. This story seemed so fqr outside my grasp, I even compared it to the story of lord of the rings, i felt it was
that away from reality. I needed something to make it real in my mind historically. Then we made it to Rome. Something tangible. Buildings still standing from empires so long ago. Another piece fit for me.

So slowly i kept thinking and rethinking. Images of all of you and conversations we have had kept popping into my brain, hours spent reading russ's emails, studying with julie, compassionate questions from jessica, crying with matt, loving testamonies from amy, support from mom and dad, and the ever hard and completely informative conversations with
carter. you have all been with me on this journey.

Well the final question i have been working on is "how can i be in love with christ again?" i have pulled theses issues apart for over a year now and i have lost the desire to love and trust in this being. can i ever be a humble servant and proclaim this as mine again. thats where the batteries come into perfect play. i had been staring blankly out the window for a while when kim offered her mp3 player to me. I was really excited. First I listened to jason mraz and realized how much i love music. then i skipped around and stupid derek webb (he is anything but stupid)had to go and sing "beloved" in my ear. now i know it wasnt because i was tired or hungry, kim will attest to that, but the words of this song had an overwhelming power of me. I was completely moved to tears and felt myself fall in love with christ again. (this is where some women i know will be crying with me) that is a simplified statement of the overwhelming fellings of hope and release i am experiencing. i now have something to trust in for my future. someone to love and guide me and bring me home safe.

I still have along way to go. but i have a large smile of excitement on my face.

anyway, i want to talk to all of you.


grace, in the best sense of the word
della