I'm hanging out with my friends Brian and Sam Mitchell this afternoon. We just got done reading some tall tails about Davy Crockett. Davy has the tendency to boast and brag that he can do things that he doesn't really know that he can do, but in the end he believes in himself so much that he actually pulls it off. Or he seems to have pulled it off. Pretty funny character.
I myself have been feeling lately the other way. Actually for the past month and a half. Not too confident. Talking bad about myself. Feeling bad about myself. Feeling old. Feeling not smart. Feeling fat. Feeling lonely. Feeling scared. The list goes on and on. This doesn't happen all that often, but I definately have seasons where I feel like I'm worthless.
Why is this?
Do I have false expectations of myself and of others, and when they aren't met, over and over, I have no other choice then to be hurled into the pit of dispair? That might have something to do with it.
Doug introduced me to a new song on the Indelible Grace album that we have been singing at RUF lately. It's called "I asked the Lord". The first time I heard it was on the way back from Colorado, when I was feeling really down. I of course cried. (I cried several times that trip. I have actually cried more in the past couple weeks than my whole teenage years combined.) I can't remember the exact wording, not even close in fact, but it is about praying to the Lord for something, peace, contentment, love, faith, I'm not sure, and God instead answering with the revealing of sin and the truth about our heart. That's what is going on with me right now. I have been praying and meditating on what I want and think that I need so much.....that I haven't even considered what process Christ must take with me first to appreciate the gifts He indeed has for me. The things that I want aren't bad things. They are actually pretty good and Holy. But my obsessive attitude, or the way I have made them into idols is disgraceful.
I am being broken more and more each day.Sanctification.......................crap. I now pray that in my brokenness, God will put me back together stronger and more faithful than ever before.
More on this later.
4 comments:
I'm gonna give you an "Amen sister"! I love you.
D-Put your Lance face on. You can do it.
dear sweet friend. i love you so much.
Sometimes we can be a little too honest. For instance, a few times ago, I commented about how I liked to wear thong underwear when I go mall walking. This led to no small amount of teasing from my acquaintances at the mall. In fact, it led to a large amount of teasing. Fred said something rude. Mabel stopped talking to me. Isabella said espanol to me, and I don't think it was very nice and I don't think you could say it at Taco Bell and get a smile.
So maybe you should stop while you're ahead before things get really embarrassing. Embarrassing. That has the word ass in it. And the word Emb. And Ssing. That's funny.
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